Hello Darkness

I just made (another) small donation to Toni’s Kitchen, my local food pantry, or it was when I still lived in Montclair, NJ. After 41 years in one place, cutting ties turns out to be a challenge. Toni’s not so modest mission is to eliminate food insecurity in suburban Essex County. It’s a task that seems to become more, rather than less, difficult each year. The difficulty right now is that SNAP support has ended for the millions of Americans who rely on food stamps. And the Federal government has been shut down for a month with no paychecks for workers. Two courts have, thus far, ordered the Trump administration to use the emergency funds set aside to fund SNAP to meet food needs, but we know how little interest Trump has in complying with court orders.

Back in 1982, Saint Luke’s Episcopal Church stared a small soup kitchen. By 2024, working with more than 95 community partners and 2,600 volunteers, Toni’s Kitchen served over two million meals. This tremendous growth (and how sad is it that in the United States of America there continues to be massive food insecurity. What terrible things that says about us as a nation) is, in large measure, due to the work of its indefatigable director, Anne Mernin, who would hate that I am writing about her. Anne prefers to fly under the radar, but her genius at systems is, in large measure, what permits Toni’s to feed so many. It would be nice if she could take a break.

There are zillions of organizations and food pantries across the country stepping up to compensate for the failure of the government. I encourage you to support them. Trump is too busy tearing down the East Wing and building a ballroom to pay attention to food needs, hurricanes in the Caribbean, or anything else of importance. Too bad King Charles can’t take Trump’s title away. I hadn’t wanted to write about any of this.

Nor did I want to write about next week’s election other than to say, GO OUT AND VOTE. I voted for Mikie Sherrill rather than a candidate who would turn back the clock on gay marriage and abortion rights. I voted for Peterpaul and Donlon for Assembly. Luanne Peterpaul is the former Board Chair of Garden State Equality. It was a pleasure to get to know her way back when. We both served on the State Anti-Bullying Commission. If I voted in New York, I’d vote for Mamdani, but though I have a place in Manhattan, I’m a Jersey Girl at heart. Today finds me sitting at my desk in Ocean Grove across the way from Asbury Park. Yes, I saw the Bruce movie. Yes, I loved it, and I will hear no argument about that.

As if it were not dark enough inside, outdoors the daily hours of light continue to diminish, and tomorrow we set the clocks back. By Thanksgiving I will be in full seasonal affective disorder. Really, I had intended to be more upbeat. The leaves are changing here in central New Jersey, but we’ve not yet had frost. A few tomatoes are still hanging on. After a week in which several friends or acquaintances died, or I’d learned they died, no one I know has died in the last few days. The world goes on.

Back in 2003 I attended a conference for work in Phoenix, Arizona. It was a few months after I’d lost my husband, and I was having a very difficult time simply getting out of bed in the morning. I think my then boss, NJ Commissioner of Education Bill Librera, who we also lost in the last couple of months, sent me there as a favor to cheer me. I arrived in Phoenix several hours before the conference was to begin. The “Desert Botanical Garden” was just down the road from the hotel. To take advantage of the extra time, I decided to check out the garden. I walked through acres and acres of unfamiliar plants and landscape noticing how interesting and different each plant appeared. I paid close attention, and the realization came to me that I had to live my life. Life is a gift. That it is my responsibility to live my life fully. If I was lucky, I would find myself in beautiful gardens with exotic plants, but I had to live my life. However cliched, it was a profound experience. I come back to the memory of that experience frequently. What have I done today to take advantage of this gift of life, I ask myself. Do you ever ask yourself the same question?