On the Red Carpet

Fabulous Looks by Elon, Donald, Pete, Robert, and Pamela

Elon Musk appeared at the MAGA SMACKDOWN in a fabulously original Vera Wattawang currency gown, cinched at the waist with a ruby red Mars Belt, and a MAGA strap-on helicopter cap. The Wizard of X was standing in Dorothy’s very own Red Ruby Slippers. Go ahead and click your heels, Elon, and repeat after us: THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE MARS . . . THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE MARS . . . THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE MARS.

Ah-ha, look, here comes your hot-air balloon . . .

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth made no secret of his patriotism or his fitness for office with this handsomely lined Calvin Cowbung suit jacket sans a button-down shirt. Whoops, what’s that poking up from his belt? Something hard, we bet.

Attorney General Pamela Bondi was all buttoned up and business-striped in a Martha Sueit monkey suit. Pam assumed her “swearing in” pose up and down the red carpet — with just a wry touch to make clear what she means by “all business.”

Robert Kennedy Jr. rode in on a donkey and out on an elephant. He wore a spectacular, home-sewn bearskin coat, but his moment at the Smackdown was just as spectacularly ruined when his pets let loose on the red carpet, which set the Secret Service into action with (made in China) nuclear-powered carpet-cleaners.

Never, ever to be outdone, ever, ever, President His Majesty Donald looked more than ready to slug it out with the Libtards, wearing his signature “Lookslikeaswastikabutitsnot” boxers over heavy pink leggings made from reconditioned pussyhats. According to staffers, POTUS had planned all along to wear Dorothy’s Ruby Red Slippers, but Elon got to them first. Call in the Flying Monkeys, o King!

Need tickets to the next SMACKDOWN? Submit your financials to the White House transom and watch the doors magically open!