Paying It Forward

Nina’s parents insisted she had first met Michael and Anna Culbert at her father's 80th birthday party. Maybe that was true, but she had no recollection of it. Nina did remember her husband, Tom, at the wheel of their clunker of a car negotiating a tight parking spot in the crowded parking lot that day. She clearly remembered exiting the car, walking with him and daughter, Laura, into a crowded Italian restaurant in a rundown neighborhood of Teaneck, New Jersey. "You wit da Golden party? Right down da stairs! "shouted the maitre d’ above the din.

As the three made their way down the steep narrow staircase into a room jammed with relatives she hadn't seen in years and a whole slew of strange faces, she experienced that all-too-familiar pang of being an outsider. It had been 25 years since Nina had moved away from New Jersey to attend college. Somehow, willy nilly she'd ended up in Toronto and fallen in love with Tom, a Canadian. The two artists married, worked, had little Laura and put down roots in Toronto.

Growing up, Nina had been exceptionally close to her parents, Rose and Harry. She never could understand kids who spoke with disdain about their parents. Nina’s parents were kind-hearted and intelligent people who delighted in their children’s creativity and academic achievements.

Nina endured the trials and tribulations of her own parenthood far away from her New Jersey support system. As often as they could find the time and money, Nina, Tom and Laura made the exhausting 10-hour drive to New Jersey. Rose and Harry also flew up and visited as often as their own busy lives allowed.

Always outgoing and blessed with a stellar group of life-long friends, Nina’s parents were never lonely. Nina took it as a point of pride that her parents never guilted her out that her precious granddaughter lived so far away. In their retirement years, Rose and Harry had carved out many new friendships. Each infrequent visit to New Jersey included enthusiastic introductions to yet more newly acquired friends.

At the birthday party, Nina was relieved to be led directly to the head table where she saw only familiar faces: her parents, her two brothers, John and George, their wives, Jessica and Suki and John and Suki’s three children. It had been a tough and terrifying year for the family: Just six months earlier, the athletic Harry had suffered a minor heart attack that alerted doctors to Harry's need for emergency quadruple bypass surgery. Up until the time Harry fell ill, Nina had never before considered how selfish and short sighted her decision to live so far away from her parents might have been.

When it was her turn to stand up and offer a toast to the guest

of honour, Nina confidently began her speech with five words that came straight from her heart. "Best father! Best teacher ever!" She’d planned to say more; to glorify her father’s years as a teacher, editor and mentor, but her eyes were a flash flood of tears; overcome with emotion, she could not go on. Red-faced and shaken, she sat down.

After the toasts were finished, guests enjoyed Harry's favorite jazz tunes. Nina caught up on the lives of her New Jersey cousins, nieces and nephews. Rose proudly showed off granddaughter Laura to her many new friends. "May I present the Queen of Canada?” Rose asked with her characteristic dramatic flair. All of Rose's many friends were quite familiar with proud Grandma Rose's term of endearment for her only granddaughter.

A very concerned Nina returned to New Jersey to visit her parents several months later. Officially, the reason for the visit was to design and plant a beautiful balcony garden at their condo. A most enjoyable weekend was had by all. On Saturday afternoon, fantastic smells emanated from the condo kitchen as Rose prepared Nina’s favorite dinner, Coq au Vin. Harry and Nina were comfortably seated in the study. "I hope you don't mind. I've asked Michael Culbert to drive you to the airport tomorrow," said her father.

“Who?" Nina blurted out a tad too harshly. "Oh, you met him at my birthday party,” Harry said. “I’m sure you’ll remember him when you see him.”

The next morning Michael Culbert appeared at the door. Nina, swept up in aching goodbye hugs with Rose and Harry, made a little white lie. “Of course, I remember meeting you and Anna at Dad’s birthday party.”

Michael looked to be in his 60’s, dressed in shirt sleeves like her father and seemed harmless enough. She conceded to herself that getting a ride to the airport from someone - anyone else but her father - was a relief. Driving around to local garden centres over the weekend, Nina was alarmed at Harry’s declining driving skills. Better to get a ride from this pleasant enough friend of her parents.

Michael loaded her suitcase into his old Mercedes Benz and they were off. They chit chatted about local restaurants, Toronto and the traffic. Turning onto Route 3, Michael inquired about the Queen of Canada. Somehow the conversation got onto Michael’s wife, Anna, being from Chicago and the struggles her elderly parents had endured in their declining years. Michael explained that Anna’s only sibling, Tara, lived in Seattle.

Michael turned onto the New Jersey Parkway and continued, “With us in New Jersey and Tara far away in Seattle, it was impossible for any of us to help Ann’s elderly parents as their health declined. We were insanely lucky that Berny and Abby, younger friends of Anna’s parents, stepped in.

Berny and Abby drove Anna’s parents to doctors’ appointments, picked up medications and groceries, checked in on her folks regularly. I don’t know what we would have done if Berny and Abby hadn’t been there. “Our kids were still young and Anna and I were both working. We couldn’t get away. Berny and Abby took care of everything.” Michael stopped the car at a red light and turned to Nina. “I know this may seem unbelievable to you, but we’ve decided to pay it forward.”

Nina looked at Michael in disbelief as he continued down the highway. It could barely get her head around her father’s heart attack and increasing frailty. She was unsure how to respond to so generous an offer from a stranger. Michael broke the silence. “You know Anna and Rose are co-presidents of the Teaneck Anti-Poverty Coalition and your dad and I have become close friends in the past year or two. “

Nina thought, Miss Manners didn’t include a chapter on how to graciously accept an offer from a stranger to take care of your aging parents when you’ve been foolish enough to live too far away to do it yourself.

“Wow, I’ll think about it,” was the best Nina could do. Luckily, they were pulling up to the departures drop-off parking zone. Nina opened the passenger car door and stepped unsteadily onto the sidewalk. In a daze, she willed herself toward the trunk of the car as Michael lifted her suitcase and placed it on the sidewalk. The two strangers looked at one another and at the same precise moment decided a hug would be appropriate.

Nina abruptly grabbed her suitcase. “Thanks so much for driving me to the airport, Michael.” Michael smiled warmly at her then turned, entered the old Mercedes and drove away. Nina stared after the Mercedes, waved weakly, then turned and walked into the airport.

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Submitted to the Alte community in loving memory of the inimitable Marshall Kolba