I have a group of friends who have been coming together for Passover for 46 years. We all began in the same neighborhood in Brooklyn, and now we move from house to house ranging from Philadelphia to Vermont. Our celebration style is to divide up the Passover “themes” (springtime, slavery, burning bush, Elijah, etc.) among us and bring various poems, songs, performances, readings that are expressive of those themes so that we create an oral Haggadah. Each host also creates some kind of written text to string it all together.
Hi Larry, Wonderful! Sorry I didn't see this earlier. For my Zoom family seder with my daughter and grandson in New York, I've been using Michael Rubiner's Two Minute Hagaddah, with slight topical additions from myself. Here it is:
The Two-Minute Haggadah
A Passover service for the impatient.
By Michael Rubiner (slight additions by Hillel Schenker)
Opening prayers:
Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)
Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)
Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we’re free. That’s why we’re doing this.
This year we are also struggling to be free from Bibi Netanyahu and his gang of right-wing racist thugs. Tonight, on the 4th night of Passover, once again hundreds of thousands of people will gather in Tel Aviv and around the country to protest the judicial revolution, and to shout “democratia”, democracy.
Sing – Avadim Hayinu
Four questions:
1. What’s up with the matzah?
2. What’s the deal with horseradish?
3. What’s with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What’s this whole slouching at the table business?
Answers:
1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It’s called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.
Sing – Let My People Go
A funny story: Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)
The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:
Wise child—explain Passover.
Simple child—explain Passover slowly.
Silent child—explain Passover loudly.
Wicked child—browbeat in front of the relatives.
Speaking of children: We hid some matzah. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.
(Show Silver and Gold Dollar)
The story of Passover: It’s a long time ago. We’re slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzah. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren’t so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again.
Sing – Btzet Yisrael
The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice—you name it. Bibi Netanyahu is the 11th plague. And let’s not forget Smotrich, Ben-Gvir, Levin, Rotman and company.
“Dayenu” (Enough):
If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would’ve been enough. If he’d punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would’ve been enough.
If he’d parted the Red Sea—(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)
Eat matzah. Drink more wine. Make matzah brei. Slouch.
Hi Larry, Wonderful! Sorry I didn't see this earlier. For my Zoom family seder with my daughter and grandson in New York, I've been using Michael Rubiner's Two Minute Hagaddah, with slight topical additions from myself. Here it is:
The Two-Minute Haggadah
A Passover service for the impatient.
By Michael Rubiner (slight additions by Hillel Schenker)
Opening prayers:
Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)
Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)
Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we’re free. That’s why we’re doing this.
This year we are also struggling to be free from Bibi Netanyahu and his gang of right-wing racist thugs. Tonight, on the 4th night of Passover, once again hundreds of thousands of people will gather in Tel Aviv and around the country to protest the judicial revolution, and to shout “democratia”, democracy.
Sing – Avadim Hayinu
Four questions:
1. What’s up with the matzah?
2. What’s the deal with horseradish?
3. What’s with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What’s this whole slouching at the table business?
Answers:
1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It’s called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.
Sing – Let My People Go
A funny story: Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)
The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:
Wise child—explain Passover.
Simple child—explain Passover slowly.
Silent child—explain Passover loudly.
Wicked child—browbeat in front of the relatives.
Speaking of children: We hid some matzah. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.
(Show Silver and Gold Dollar)
The story of Passover: It’s a long time ago. We’re slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzah. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren’t so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again.
Sing – Btzet Yisrael
The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice—you name it. Bibi Netanyahu is the 11th plague. And let’s not forget Smotrich, Ben-Gvir, Levin, Rotman and company.
“Dayenu” (Enough):
If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would’ve been enough. If he’d punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would’ve been enough.
If he’d parted the Red Sea—(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)
Eat matzah. Drink more wine. Make matzah brei. Slouch.
Thanks again, God, for everything.
The End, Till Next Year.
Your imaginings are beautiful!
The ones OUT THERE touch me deeply.
What terrific writing....thank you larry!